6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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