cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
How's work?
Spinning.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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