she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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