i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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