why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
This is the high leading the old right now
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I am available for nakedness
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
