I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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