dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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