Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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