Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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