eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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