Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
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She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
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If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO