Texts From Last Night

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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.

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  (724): This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text. http://tfl.nu/bfqf
  Replies (15) Good night (2559) Bad night (1302)
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  (310): View more from California

  tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room

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  (310): tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room http://tfl.nu/5l09
  Replies (4) Good night (2401) Bad night (906)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".

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  (847): Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy". http://tfl.nu/atvg
  Replies (19) Good night (1137) Bad night (2384)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord

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  (617): Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord http://tfl.nu/e1xr
  Replies (41) Good night (1133) Bad night (3778)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"

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  (613): I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!" http://tfl.nu/plpd
  Replies (11) Good night (5516) Bad night (1353)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...

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  (810): I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work... http://tfl.nu/jjaa
  Replies (30) Good night (6264) Bad night (1103)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.

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  (404): Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n. http://tfl.nu/ek1y
  Replies (20) Good night (4749) Bad night (696)
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree

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  (251): Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree http://tfl.nu/cqwy
  Replies (19) Good night (5864) Bad night (1185)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.

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  (814): The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate. http://tfl.nu/mnoh
  Replies (9) Good night (884) Bad night (4171)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.

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  (704): the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond. http://tfl.nu/ueo3
  Replies (7) Good night (2307) Bad night (1073)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.

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  (540): Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man. http://tfl.nu/q2i0
  Replies (6) Good night (738) Bad night (1378)
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".

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  (928): It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams". http://tfl.nu/l9ee
  Replies (6) Good night (638) Bad night (1030)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!

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  (602): I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?! http://tfl.nu/4u7v
  Replies (9) Good night (677) Bad night (628)
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  (510): View more from California

  I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.

  (1-510): View more from California

  Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume

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  (510): I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion. (1-510): Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume http://tfl.nu/f5c6
  Replies (1) Good night (878) Bad night (351)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"

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  (765): Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load" http://tfl.nu/71u8
  Replies (4) Good night (424) Bad night (1314)

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