I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"