I never want to see another naked old woman again.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.