Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
