Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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