AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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