Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
