epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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