you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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