is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
