Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
