she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize