yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
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He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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