K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
