did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Randomize
