Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
