I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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