can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
