I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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