Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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