I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
