Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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