LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
