how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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