I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
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