im drinking this country out of the recession.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
