Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
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