We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
