He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
