just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
