i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
