Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
