I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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