Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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