The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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