Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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