she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
