i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
