he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
