Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize
