i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize