Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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