if i can run in heels then i can drive
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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