that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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