I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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