There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
Less talking, more tequila
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.