I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.