If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
