he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
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In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.