Texts From Last Night

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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around

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  (814): I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around http://tfl.nu/xsf6
  Replies (13) Good night (1248) Bad night (2320)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  bl l w

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.

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  (908): bl l w (201): this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel. http://tfl.nu/4an5
  Replies (63) Good night (8563) Bad night (809)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.

  (773): View more from Illinois

  ...well that sucks.

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  (312): Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck. (773): ...well that sucks. http://tfl.nu/p9wr
  Replies (37) Good night (740) Bad night (4176)
• Favorite

  (517): View more from Michigan

  the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"

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  (517): the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed" http://tfl.nu/ho10
  Replies (132) Good night (5205) Bad night (844)
• Favorite

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.

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  (403): Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius. http://tfl.nu/w17t
  Replies (20) Good night (6293) Bad night (701)
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.

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  (901): He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had. http://tfl.nu/xizg
  Replies (12) Good night (792) Bad night (6343)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way

  (1-717): View more from Pennsylvania

  you don't.

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  (717): how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way (1-717): you don't. http://tfl.nu/p0es
  Replies (15) Good night (5994) Bad night (1492)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning

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  (775): It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning http://tfl.nu/pt0t
  Replies (4) Good night (2422) Bad night (884)
• Favorite

  (228): View more from Mississippi

  Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.

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  (228): Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park. http://tfl.nu/g3vi
  Replies (11) Good night (1711) Bad night (1409)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  ...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.

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  (330): ...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again. http://tfl.nu/4ubg
  Replies (10) Good night (987) Bad night (2393)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?

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  (859): And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck? http://tfl.nu/pzcv
  Replies (9) Good night (508) Bad night (907)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.

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  (701): I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks. http://tfl.nu/hedo
  Replies (4) Good night (1268) Bad night (432)
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69

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  (719): These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69 http://tfl.nu/x4aj
  Replies (2) Good night (835) Bad night (618)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states

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  (860): I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states http://tfl.nu/e5c2
  Replies (1) Good night (764) Bad night (429)
• Favorite

  (775): View more from Nevada

  I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit

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  (775): I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit http://tfl.nu/5wjn
  Replies (2) Good night (320) Bad night (472)

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