The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.