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Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
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