Texts From Last Night

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  (586): View more from Michigan

  Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom

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  (586): Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom http://tfl.nu/p7m9
  Replies (4) Good night (1586) Bad night (603)
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  (707): View more from California

  last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.

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  (707): last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll. http://tfl.nu/u5mu
  Replies (34) Good night (5338) Bad night (931)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks

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  (208): I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks http://tfl.nu/4n3j
  Replies (44) Good night (1813) Bad night (4037)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.

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  (307): He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment. http://tfl.nu/tvxk
  Replies (1) Good night (1324) Bad night (2576)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex

  (773): View more from Illinois

  SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?

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  (617): So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex (773): SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard? http://tfl.nu/5vnv
  Replies (22) Good night (3604) Bad night (937)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am

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  (724): I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am http://tfl.nu/gygo
  Replies (8) Good night (1708) Bad night (910)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?

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  (815): Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster? http://tfl.nu/pms2
  Replies (6) Good night (3562) Bad night (1473)
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  (779): View more from Illinois

  I smell like gasoline and adventure.

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  (779): I smell like gasoline and adventure. http://tfl.nu/rkdf
  Replies (18) Good night (2661) Bad night (815)
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  (562): View more from California

  I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you

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  (562): I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you http://tfl.nu/q7ed
  Replies (7) Good night (1478) Bad night (591)
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  (551): View more from New Jersey

  Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.

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  (551): Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win. http://tfl.nu/l1vw
  Replies (12) Good night (1546) Bad night (564)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first

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  (307): Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first http://tfl.nu/80vm
  Replies (3) Good night (704) Bad night (404)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.

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  (870): I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me. http://tfl.nu/8alm
  Replies (2) Good night (593) Bad night (337)
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  (607): View more from New York

  She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third

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  (607): She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third http://tfl.nu/te0l
  Replies (2) Good night (584) Bad night (435)
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  (631): View more from New York

  Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.

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  (631): Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why. http://tfl.nu/ugb9
  Replies (1) Good night (540) Bad night (292)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?

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  (989): Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night? http://tfl.nu/3xdi
  Replies (0) Good night (541) Bad night (286)

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