uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Randomize
