Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
