If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
