I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
