What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
