Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
