Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
