remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Randomize
