I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
