My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
