Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
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How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
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Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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