Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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