I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
